Why this conversation is harder than the decision
Most families who end up living together well say the same thing: the move was easier than the first conversation about the move. Raising it means naming things families usually leave unsaid — money, ageing, who needs whom. Whichever generation goes first risks being misread. A parent suggesting it can sound like a request for care. An adult child suggesting it can sound like a request for money. Neither is usually the whole truth, and both readings can end the discussion before it starts.
Decide what you're actually proposing
Before you say anything to anyone, get clear with your own household. Are you proposing a trial, an exploration, or a plan? These are three different conversations. “Should we look into this?” is easy to say yes to. “We think you should sell your house” is not. Almost every family should open with the first version, even if privately they're further along.
It helps to know your own motive honestly. If it's 70% financial and 30% closeness, that's fine — but be ready to say so, because the other side will be doing the same arithmetic silently and will trust you more if you do it out loud.
Pick the moment deliberately
- Not during a crisis. A health scare or redundancy makes the idea feel like an emergency measure, and decisions made under pressure breed resentment later.
- Not at a family gathering. An audience turns a conversation into a negotiation. Raise it one-to-one or couple-to-couple first.
- With time on the other side. End the first conversation deliberately unfinished: “Have a think — let's talk again in a few weeks.” The idea needs to become partly theirs before it can go anywhere.
Lead with numbers, not need
The least loaded way in is through the finances, because numbers are about the situation rather than about anyone's capability. “We worked out we'd both be roughly £800/$1,000 a month better off” opens a discussion. “We worry about you on your own” opens a wound. Run the figures for both households before you raise it — savings, equity, what each side gives up — so the proposal is concrete enough to react to.
Say the hard parts early
The strongest signal you can send is raising the difficult scenarios yourself: what happens if it doesn't work, what happens when someone dies, how either side could exit. Families avoid these topics to protect the mood, but naming them is what makes the proposal feel safe. “If we did this, we'd want a written agreement and a way out for both of us” tells the other side you've thought about their interests, not just your own.
Expect a no that means not yet
First reactions are usually protective — of independence, of a family home, of not being a burden. Treat a no as information about what needs solving rather than a verdict. Ask what specifically worries them, and come back to it. Many families take a year or more between first conversation and moving day, and the slow ones tend to go better.
Once the conversation is genuinely open, the next steps are practical: work through whether it's right for you, then look at what a co-ownership agreement covers.